A girl sits at work, on the computer, bored to tears (If only her doctor hadn't remove her tear ducts then the saying could be true! but alas the girl cannot cry) contimplating the world before christina aguilera and not understanding the hype. Anyone can easily have a glowing heart vagina if they had the right electrician.
The girl calls herself "Bobby" liking the irony of girls having boy's names (but she hates it when it was the other way around (boys having girl's names)). Her name is Elizabeth but she believes that the name does not fit well with her and she hates all the nicknames that come from Elizabeth: Lizzy, Beth, Betty. Her hair is black, nobody with black hair is ever called those things.
She finds herself watching the strangest video of two very high voiced catholic boys singing like cats, she thinks they sound exactly cats if cats sang opera like music, and "likes" it on her facebook.
Oh how she is so bored all day long. Not too many people like to buy over priced collars, costumes, and organic treats for their pets who would chew on their tails if they ever had the chance. Bobby didn't even own a dog.
A Ray Ban wearing boyish manish person walks in the store. She already hates him, assuming he is a douchelord. He is either buying his stupid wife/girlfriend's dog a bedazzled doggy juicy suit to match hers or buying his own pitbull something like a spike collar, and not for a joke. But the boyish manish person doesn't take the time to look at anything at all, instead he walks right up to the desk looking a bit disstressed and says,"All money in this bag."
Bobby begins to laugh, this could only be a joke.
"Why are you laughing? I am serious. How do you know I don't have a gun?"
She smiles politely,"My friend, you are the worst store robber ever. You don't go into a non franchised unpopular store and ask for all the money in the drawer. I can tell you this, there is probably only 200 dollars in this drawer. If anyone even comes in this store I can guarentee they are paying with plastic. The people who shop here have, I can almost promise, thousands of dollars in credit card debt because have issues, that's the only explanation for 300 dollars on a dog costume. If you are going to rob somewhere I would suggest somewhere loaded, like a bank or starbucks. I can give you all this money if you want but really, is it worth it?"
He bites his lip,"You're right. I change my mind. I don't even think I want to rob anything at all actually. I bought these sunglasses with my own money. Do you know expensive these are? Well it doesn't matter. I am just incredibly bored and I thought that this place was the place that I think I might hate the most."
She nods in understanding,"You might think you hate this place the most, but I know for a fact that I hate this place the most. I've been so bored I've been looking up all the movies Robert Downey Jr. takes his shirt off in and ordering them on netflix. He is the 7th hot celebrity I've done that for this week. And also I'm watching catholic boys sing cat opera, quite impressive actually."
"How ironic, watching cat opera in a dog accessory store."
"You like Irony?"
"If it's used in the proper way such as a girl who works in a dog store but watches cat opera."
"And is named Bobby?
"Exactly."
"I think it's only right to close this joint for it almost got robbed today, don't you think that seems like a good enough reason to close?"
"I think that is a fantastically legitimate reason to close a store."
"Me too," she quickly writes on a peice of paper 'closed for the rest of the day due to an almost robbery'.
"Bobby would you like to go hold puppies at a pet store hoping that they never enter this godforsaken store and then go eat licorice and talk about how wierd it is that everyone is obsessed with vampires?"
"I think that sounds like the perfect non boring thing to do," as she says this she realizes that she is already outside in his homemade convertable (A car with the top cut off),"But I have to tell you something."
"What?"
"I like vampires."
No comments:
Post a Comment