The Dick.

You’ll never fit in anywhere unless you go somewhere.


A phrase constantly said into Goldie’s bedroom door by her mother (who was prom queen all the years she went to high school). It was boomeranging through her brain still four years after high school. It was what she was thinking when she the house party she promised to attend with her friend Nicole. Even before she walked in the house the boomerang phrase came weaseling back into her frontal lobes. She had told herself that parties were for people with no goals who wanted to die early, but she didn’t really know, she was a college party virgin.

“I can tell you aren’t enjoying this already,” Nicole yelled over the music.

It was a common effect Goldie had, a face that looked like she just took a bite out of an apple to find half of a worm. She was no good at hiding her discomfort.

“No, this seems like so much fun,” she choked out.

She paid no attention to whatever Nicole was trying to shout over the ridiculously loud and tacky music that was bombarding her ear drums. She saw him. His name was Richard Baird; he was her biggest crush in high school. He was always looking so cool and not to mention good looking, mostly good looking; she didn’t know him at all so she just assumed he was cool not knowing if it were true. He was one of the bad boys who played in a band and had long gross hair that somehow was ridiculously sexy.

For the second time ever in the history of Goldie, he looked at her. She looked around herself to make sure it wasn’t a mistake but he smiled and waved at her and again she looked around to find it was her that he was waving at. She felt like she was back in sophomore year when he opened the door for her (this was the first time in history he made serious eye contact with her). But she forgot to look at her friend Nicole, who he was actually waving to. Goldie had no choice to first feel absolutely ridiculous for being excited that someone waved at her and secondly to get herself together for the first interaction with him in pretty much ever. Nicole wasn’t one to ignore an attractive boy. Goldie followed shortly behind her.

He grabbed Nicole in a bear hug as Goldie stood awkwardly by.

“This is my friend Goldie,” Nicole said hardly paying any attention to her at all keeping her eyes on the good looking man in front of her, “This is-“

“Richard,” she covered her mouth and felt creepy that she would know such a thing when he didn’t even slightly recognize her, “We went to the same high school,” she grabbed the nearest drink and chugged it.

He glanced over at her and broke his embrace with Nicole, “We did?”

“Yeah, You were friends with Natalie and my friend Jared and her were good friends.”

“Oh yeah I know Jared! You’re his friend?”

“Yes, I am.”

“He’s hilarious.”

“Yes he is.”

Nicole walked away unenthused and ready to find someone who would give her their full attention. When Goldie noticed she had a ball of nerves in her throat that wouldn’t go away no matter how much she tried to swallow it down. She grabbed another drink.

“So you still in that band you were in in high school?” she asked nervously wishing Nicole would come back and rescue her from her embarrassment she was sure to havoc on herself.

“Uh, ha, no. You remember that?”

“Sort of I guess,” she shrugged feeling a bit dizzy, “I had the biggest crush on you,” her eyes almost fell right out of her head right after the words left her mouth.

“Oh did you?”

Her eyebrows raised, “Yeah…”

“You want come with me somewhere?”

Goldie wasn’t the type of girl who went somewhere and did things with people she didn’t know. But a little make out session never hurt anyone. Most of the time it actually made people feel great! It was going to be the pay back for high school. She never liked high school and it crept up on her every once in a blue moon. It would be the releasing the dove of high school, or something like that. He grabbed her hand and took her outside.

“Is this what you always wanted in high school?”

“Hmm? Well it wasn’t the top of my priorities obviously, or else I probably would’ve talked to you before this moment.”

“Want to make your high school dreams reality?”

“Well I wouldn’t go so far to say it was my drea….” She trailed off when she noticed a stupid on his face and him giving her a drunken seductive face pointing at his crotch.

“I’ll go put on my prom king crown if it will help with the fantasy.”

“Wow. Really?” she said sarcastically, Richard didn’t quite catch on.

“Yeah I still have it.”

“Oh my god, you do?”

He grinned and nodded his head vigorously.

“You know, I am just dying to help you out with your little situation in your pants, but,” she paused, “I just can’t.”

“Oh so you have a boyfriend?”

She couldn’t hold in the laugher and it just busted out of her, “No, no I don’t. But I’ve just realized I have so much more appealing things to attend to, like eating a live bird for instance.”

“Wait what?”

“I am super into guys with no future who are counting on getting famous for their crappy music and good looks, who drink every night to the point of blacking out and think popping pills a competitive sport.”

“What is your problem?”

“My problem? I don’t have one. You’re the one who has a serious problem. You’re the type of person whose highest point in life was high school and you’re scared to move on so you travel on the same road and it gets you nowhere. You aren’t going to be young and gorgeous forever bucko and all the drinking and drugs is going to catch up to you. And then you’ll be ugly, then what are you going to do?”

“Wow, I like you.”

“Excuse me?”

“I like you.”

“Ugh, get a job,” she started to walk away and he followed.

“Marry me.”

“Goodbye.”

High school ended four years back, and returning was a seriously bad idea. It’s like following a tornado, it seems dangerous and interesting, but no good would come from it. Just be grateful that you survived and leave it behind you. Only return upon the tenth year reunion to laugh at all the pretty girls who got fat. Before that leave it alone, pretend it didn’t happen.