Prologue
Me falling in “love” with a person could be compared to a shark eating a human being. It’s sitting there, just dangling in front of you. You shrug and say to yourself, “Might as well.” You put all this energy into it and all you get is a lousy leg and maybe a lost eyeball depending on the human being you are dealing with. But the feeling it gives you to eat that human being (if we are still speaking in shark terms) is so worth it and you can’t stop until you are eventually hunted and killed. Now speaking in me terms is I cannot get enough of the falling. I crave that crush. I wouldn’t call myself boy crazy at all. I am in fact a very picky human being. Therefore the men I tend to fall for don’t fall back. This has become a serious issue for me.
My name is Ruby McAllister and I am a hopeless romantic.
(Above is an insert from Ruby McAllister’s diary. (Yes she has a diary, there’s nothing wrong with that))
Ruby has dug herself a hole of depression and thrown herself into it. The girl has fallen for a boy who doesn’t even glance back at her. She can’t understand what has happened. She smiles every single time she orders her drink and he always smiles back. She thought it was something special they shared. Turns out he smiles at everyone and not only that but he often gives other people extra flavor in their drinks for free. He’s simply a nice guy, not a guy that likes her.
It all started with childhood. It isn’t often that a person grows up with parents that are absolutely in love with each other. This is a terrible environment to rear a child in. The child grows up thinking it’s normal to find someone you genuinely want to spend the rest of your life with. Not only that but she watched Disney princess movies like it kept her lungs from collapsing, almost as if it were her oxygen.
As Ruby grew she didn’t know how to do things normally. She had no older siblings to teach her the ropes of crushes. And her parents, well they were no help at all. They were one of those unreal couples that saw each other and just clicked. They were puzzle pieces that were lost all their life until they found on another and fit. They were the cliché “my life didn’t start until I met you”. In other words, if you believe in it or not, soul mates. The advice they gave her was this, “You’ll find him and you’ll know.”
The problem with this is that that’s not how things work for most of the human population, but she didn’t know, how could she know?
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Thursday, February 10, 2011
V Day
Barbara. Age 23. Status single. The date is Valentine's day aka February 14th.
She hates how everyone pretends that they don't care it's V day. Because they do. They are all liars if they say they don't. Come on, we're all human beings.
She sits and ponders with her hand directly under the chin because she feels like it's the only appropriate pondering position. If she was to use the word ponder in her brain she made it a consequence of her thought to be in the pondering position. Ponder this. Ponder that. Blah blah ponder.
She is single on this day so she gives herself persmission to be unhappy. SHE HAS AN EXCUSE LET HER BE! She refused any party invitations for any single awareness party where people bring their single friends and try to set them up with one another. Everyone if they are desperate enough will find someone. She hated weird situations and she simply could not do it to herself purposefully. Her dignity was still intact and she planned to keep it there... sort of.
Barbara loved the F book. A week or so before V day she decided to be innovative in a way that she knew wasn't going to be usefull because nobody reads those little notes you make about yourself, but it wasn't for everyone (although she was posting it publically in hopes her friends would read it) she was doing it for HER.SELF....ish.
She typed the words with her eyes closed because for some reason it made her feel better.
IF YOU ARE THE FOLLOWING YOU SHOULD PROBABLY BE DATING BARBARA HARRIS.
(she knew it was stupid because well non of her facebook friends would qualify but... maybe, just maybe they would know someone who did and would eventually fall insanely in love with her).
It went like this:
1.Have blonde hair (natural of course) and be one of those guys who can pull off long haircuts until they are in their 30's because that's cool and totally the sexy surfer look.
2. There's something about dark eyes, they are so much more mysterious. Unless you have those crazy steal blue eyes those are nice too.
3. Wear those shoes that sort of look like soccer shoes but they aren't obviously because then you'd look like an idiot and make weird noises everywhere you went.
4. Play soccer. Soccer legs are great.
5.Be a surfer.
6.A foreigner would be prime. Like an Australian which would fit very well with the blonde surfer.
7. Like girls even though they have an old lady name.
8. Permit Barbara to go to Ryan Gosling movies by herself, no question asked, that's just how it is.
9. Vests are a must.
10. Piano skills are grande.... (like a grande piano).
11. Cook mexican food like a mexican.
12. Like it when the person you sleep next to occasionally accidently punches you.
13. Be insanely romantic that even a girl wouldn't think that the situation you would put her in would only happen in a movie created for women written by a woman directed by a woman starring ryan gosling.
14.You could be Ryan Gosling, obviously the foreign part wouldn't matter at this point.
15. Bring girls cupcakes when they are PMSing like an insane person.
16. Drive a convertable (it doesn't even have to be a nice one)
17. Wear ray ban sunglasses.
18.Own a motorcycle that isn't a harly.
This went on until she hit 100. Then she became very embarrassed but then realized nobody reads those so it didn't even matter.
V Day came now and nobody has F booked her and said they found her one true love named Australian Ryan Gosling. She didn't really think it would happen. What do you think this is? A fictional world?
So her V Day turned into Vagina day.
She rented all the Ryan Gosling movies she knew didn't depress her and also mixed in some Brad Pitt and Antanio Banderis in there. She bought her favorite ice cream and ate it using brownies as her spoon. After 8 straight hours of hot man watching she did 50 jumping jacks and 10 push ups.
She glanced at her phone which had a message from her stupid friend Halli who had a Valentine's date:
OMG this is the best date ever.
Barbara replied:
Oh yeah well he wasn't Ryan Gosling, so that sucks.
She immediatly felt better and hoped Halli realized that her date wasn't Ryan Gosling so it really did suck.
She hates how everyone pretends that they don't care it's V day. Because they do. They are all liars if they say they don't. Come on, we're all human beings.
She sits and ponders with her hand directly under the chin because she feels like it's the only appropriate pondering position. If she was to use the word ponder in her brain she made it a consequence of her thought to be in the pondering position. Ponder this. Ponder that. Blah blah ponder.
She is single on this day so she gives herself persmission to be unhappy. SHE HAS AN EXCUSE LET HER BE! She refused any party invitations for any single awareness party where people bring their single friends and try to set them up with one another. Everyone if they are desperate enough will find someone. She hated weird situations and she simply could not do it to herself purposefully. Her dignity was still intact and she planned to keep it there... sort of.
Barbara loved the F book. A week or so before V day she decided to be innovative in a way that she knew wasn't going to be usefull because nobody reads those little notes you make about yourself, but it wasn't for everyone (although she was posting it publically in hopes her friends would read it) she was doing it for HER.SELF....ish.
She typed the words with her eyes closed because for some reason it made her feel better.
IF YOU ARE THE FOLLOWING YOU SHOULD PROBABLY BE DATING BARBARA HARRIS.
(she knew it was stupid because well non of her facebook friends would qualify but... maybe, just maybe they would know someone who did and would eventually fall insanely in love with her).
It went like this:
1.Have blonde hair (natural of course) and be one of those guys who can pull off long haircuts until they are in their 30's because that's cool and totally the sexy surfer look.
2. There's something about dark eyes, they are so much more mysterious. Unless you have those crazy steal blue eyes those are nice too.
3. Wear those shoes that sort of look like soccer shoes but they aren't obviously because then you'd look like an idiot and make weird noises everywhere you went.
4. Play soccer. Soccer legs are great.
5.Be a surfer.
6.A foreigner would be prime. Like an Australian which would fit very well with the blonde surfer.
7. Like girls even though they have an old lady name.
8. Permit Barbara to go to Ryan Gosling movies by herself, no question asked, that's just how it is.
9. Vests are a must.
10. Piano skills are grande.... (like a grande piano).
11. Cook mexican food like a mexican.
12. Like it when the person you sleep next to occasionally accidently punches you.
13. Be insanely romantic that even a girl wouldn't think that the situation you would put her in would only happen in a movie created for women written by a woman directed by a woman starring ryan gosling.
14.You could be Ryan Gosling, obviously the foreign part wouldn't matter at this point.
15. Bring girls cupcakes when they are PMSing like an insane person.
16. Drive a convertable (it doesn't even have to be a nice one)
17. Wear ray ban sunglasses.
18.Own a motorcycle that isn't a harly.
This went on until she hit 100. Then she became very embarrassed but then realized nobody reads those so it didn't even matter.
V Day came now and nobody has F booked her and said they found her one true love named Australian Ryan Gosling. She didn't really think it would happen. What do you think this is? A fictional world?
So her V Day turned into Vagina day.
She rented all the Ryan Gosling movies she knew didn't depress her and also mixed in some Brad Pitt and Antanio Banderis in there. She bought her favorite ice cream and ate it using brownies as her spoon. After 8 straight hours of hot man watching she did 50 jumping jacks and 10 push ups.
She glanced at her phone which had a message from her stupid friend Halli who had a Valentine's date:
OMG this is the best date ever.
Barbara replied:
Oh yeah well he wasn't Ryan Gosling, so that sucks.
She immediatly felt better and hoped Halli realized that her date wasn't Ryan Gosling so it really did suck.
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